A Prayer

1 Corinthians 1:30 But of him, you are in Christ Jesus, who was made to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption

If I have this wisdom already inside of me, why can't I grasp it? Why can't I seem to find it? October 7, 2008 - a thought, either from God, or from me, passed through my mind. This thought was about something I was to gain, something I wanted, and something that I was apparently going to receive.

But how do I know if it was God speaking to me? I do not doubt that I hear His voice. He has grown me up so much, just in the past week but...this? It's too good. It's too unbelievable. It's too wonderful for me to hope for.

That doesn't even make sense! God loves me. He wants to give me blessings, gifts that will make me happy. Why can't I believe Him in this?

Because I am afraid. I am afraid to believe it, and then discover it not to be true. I would be so broken. But again, I'm not making sense. God can heal any brokenness.

I wish I was better. I wish I was wise enough to discern God's voice from my own flesh. I wish I was braver to trust Him with all things.

Lord God, bend Your ear, and heed Your daughter. Forgive me for being too afraid to trust You. I love You, and I want what You want for my life. Please, my Abba, my Love, grant me wisdom. I desperately need to hear from You again. Do not forsake me. Speak to me. Strip me of anything that is not of You. Break me. Mold me. Shape me.

Thank You. Thank You for answering my prayer. Thank You for healing, and wisdom, and love. I will glorify Your name for eternity.
With love,
Alexandra